By the time you read this we would be on the road for about four weeks already – about three-quarter way through our epic road trip. Road trips – you gotta love ‘em.

And as much as that sounds like an opening for a stand-up routine, believe me it is not all fun and games. I must admit it is mostly fun and games though – it’s like the rose – beautiful and great to look at, and it smells gorgeous but beware of the thorns on its stem.

Being with just one other person – even if it is Gary – for 28 hours a day can take its toll. And really, we’ve been great thus far. We haven’t even had a major fight, only small irritations, and mostly about small things – about how to tackle something or a direction that we ought to take and so on...

But decisions must be made constantly – where should we stay, hotel or guesthouse? What should we eat, Nando’s or something more unique and sophisticated? A quick aside – we promised each other no MacDonald’s and very little Kentucky – only when we really feel like a piece of greasy chicken that may or may never have seen the inside of an egg.

I’m not sure – is the jury still out on that one? Forget what came first – the chicken or the cock (sic), try figuring out whether KFC is real chicken or powdered...just add water and freeze in shapes that resemble drumsticks and thighs etc.

Any hoo...so there we are making decision after decision. And, if nothing else this 28 hour a day thing forces you to learn about compromise. And remember, a decision such where one stays is very important after being on the road for hours on end. Gary’s more pernickety about this than I am. He would check the pillows while I need a place to lay my hat (...and perhaps a few friends to quote Dorothy Parker).
Actually I lie. When it says four stars (officially graded) I snobbishly check that there’s two-ply toilet paper. What we decided was that we require a minimum of the following: Air conditioning, a shower, a big enough television (not those mini ones that we’d have to pass around to look at one person at a time) and a safe place to park our vehicle.

Our accommodation allowance is quite generous so we are always able to stay at least at four-star establishments. But when you get to places like Calvinia even your four-star establishments are a bit dodgy. Another quick aside – we’re on the road between Bloemfontein and Welkom as I write this and Simon & Garfunkel’s ‘Homeward Bound’ is currently playing on the CD player. There’s fortuity for you! It seems like we’re a million miles away from home but as they say, home is where the heart is, so I guess we’re okay. We have now traveled over 5000km since leaving Cape Town...

Initially I was going to write this week’s column about the birds we’ve been observing on the road. Have you ever seen birds on the long road fly across the road right in front of one’s vehicle as though they were in some sort of competition? Gary and I have developed a theory about that. We think it’s a bird sport, with bird judges sitting on the side of the road scoring them.

The aim is to leave your starting blocks as late as possible and then to fly as close as possible to the vehicle – last one to cross successfully, is declared the winner. We also think there are provincial and national competitions, and records that get broken and some birds that even lose their lives in the pursuit of these records...
And no, this is not a drug-induced fantasy – we are on a Drug-Free Sport mission, remember. And, neither of us is into that sort of thing anyway. There! There I just saw a solo bird doing it again. Was that a sweatband and sneakers he was wearing???

rafiek@mweb.co.za